Decisions, decisions…
How to Choose.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been working with clients who are grappling with tough decisions.
Should I fundraise for my start-up through a few VCs, or try to source a LOT of angel investors?
Should I pivot the whole business?
Given the challenges I’ve had with some of my clients… should I just refuse to work with anyone in that sector ever again?
Should I double-down and work towards a promotion I didn’t get last time round, or just walk?
These are big, important questions. And the tension between the options can be unbearable. It’s so tempting to think we can make a “once-and-forever-more” decision. We’d like to make the ‘Right Choice,’ and have the whole uncomfortable process over and done with. Or preferably: not to have to make it at all.
But if stasis isn’t an option, how is it that you should make your decision, when outcomes can’t be guaranteed?
Intentional decision-making
Although we may or may not see ourselves as good decision-makers, the reality is that we are making choices all of the time. Some of these are more or less conscious. Some are habitual. Others will be reactive, and some will be properly intentional.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these. I have no issue with you ordering a penne arrabbiata on repeat if it’s the thing you like best on the menu. An instinctive reaction to leap out of the way of a lorry that’s cutting too close to the kerb could be life-saving.
But sometimes the slower and more conscious thought process that goes into intentional decision-making (in other words, the kind of decision-making you need for the bulk of business decisions) isn’t working as well as it might. Perhaps we don’t make decisions quite as effectively as we might – or perhaps the decision simply never gets made at all.
Truly intentional decision-making is something we are able to do when we step fully into our “Adult” ego-state. Intentional decision-making is:
Active. We acknowledge that deciding to do nothing is an action in its own right, no less so than making a change or starting something new is.
Responsible. We acknowledge not only the responsibility we have for taking a decision, but our acceptance of the role we have in bringing about its outcome: good or bad, intended or otherwise.
(For the inverse of this, consider my toddler, who cannot be held responsible for a decision about what to eat for dinner, and needs me to step in and make the grown-up decision that that is enough Haribo for the day – or possibly, the rest of the year. The consequence of which I bear is a screaming fit – but also, healthy teeth and gums.)
Personal. We must acknowledge that the right solution for you, might or might not be the right solution for me.
The last of these can be a particular struggle because we so often fail to consider that risk is intrinsically personal and contextual. (Emily Oster makes the point in Expecting Better that pregnant women are often given one-size-fits-all advice for prenatal care, when in fact, our individual risk profile can vary enormously.)
The risks that I can tolerate may be different in degree or nature from those you can sustain; and the steps available to mitigate against those risks may be more or less tolerable to me than to others.
In other words: you can by all means take advice, but you can’t expect to be told an answer. The buck stops with you.
But on the plus side, unlike my toddler – you also get to decide!
(So if you’re cool with dentures, by all means. Choose Haribo for dinner.)
Why we struggle
In wrangling with this (tedious?) reality, it helps to remember that our brains aren’t really built for thinking. They’re prediction engines, rather than thinking engines, on high alert for danger, that are trying to keep us safe.
What does that mean, exactly? Well in my experience, it means that thoughts like:
What will people think of me!
I’m bound to get it wrong.
Who am I to choose?
Take these not so much as signs that you’re on the wrong track, but signs that your brain is functioning as designed. Our fears are there to keep us safe. It’s just a shame that ‘safe’ isn’t necessarily the same thing as thriving in the modern and – more or less – secure world.
Expansive not binary
If coaching had an antihero, it might be the word “or”.
Not much to summon fear into the hearts of men, you might think; but “or” can can turn an exciting opportunity into an all-or-nothing scenario that paralyses us with anxiety and renders us incapable of seeing something in its proper proportions.
When faced by a difficult decisions, we often reduce our thinking to binaries when that simply isn’t the case.
A simple strategy is to come up with at least 6-7 alternative options, one of which at least you’d never consider.
Scenario 1: Binary Thinking
I’m going to have to accept this investor’s terms or fold the business.
Expansive Thinking:
Accept this investor?
Negotiate their terms?
Continue to seek out other investors?
Bootstrap?
Improve profitability, cut costs?
Sell house?
…
Scenario 2: Binary Thinking
I either get this promotion or quit.
Expansive Thinking:
Get promoted?
Stay in post and address what’s frustrating me about it?
Stay in post and address what’s frustrating the business about me?
Make a sideways move?
Take some time to see how I feel if it happens?
Look at what needs I’m trying to meet through promotion, and consider how to meet them another way?
…
Scenario 3: Binary Thinking
Marry Robert, or run away with Paul to Guadeloupe.
Expansive Thinking:
Marry Robert?
Propose an alternative model for commitment in our relationship?
Eat pray love?
Call Darren?
Celibacy?
Perhaps Cuba?
…
Forever… for ever-ever?
Finally it helps to remember the time commitment on the decision. We approach so many deicisons as if it’s till “death us do part.”
Some business decisions have truly long-term consequences. A great many may be irrelevant next quarter. Maybe even next week.
Doing something…
Of course, ‘deciding’ is meaningless… unless we actually do something.
Unless we plan, we’re liable to make mistakes. Unless we act, we have stasis. And finally– unless we also review, there is no learning.
If we don’t do all three – plan, act, and review – then although we might make progress on one, isolated decision we have to make, we unlikely to get better at deciding itself.
And here’s the thing: no matter how difficult a decision might be, there’s a bunch more such decisions coming down the track.
…and doing it well.
A colleague and fellow fuseco. coach Henry, who does a lot of work with elite sports including including New Zealand Rugby, has a favourite phrase: “winning hides failure.”
In other words, you can fluff the pass yet somehow still win the match if you get lucky. We need to be wary of post-rationalising our decisions as if they represent a great way to operate when actually maybe we just… got away with it.
So whether you win or lose, judge your decisions not on the results so much as: if the same set of circumstances where to unfold again, what would I do? How far would I maintain or adapt my approach to decisions?
Decision-Making Tips
Own the decision: make it active, responsible, and personal. (For the Transactional Analysis fans among you, get into your “Adult” ego state.)
Embrace expansive thinking. Replace false binaries with at least 6-7 different options, including some you’d never actually do.
Consider the timeframe for the decision. How long are you really signing up to? Is it actually forever?
Commit to reviewing your decision-making process, rather than its result. What did you do well, with the information you had available? What might you do differently?
© Tamzin Foster, October 2024
This article was originally published in Tamzin’s newsletter and on Substack
